UNS 321

Peggy Twolegs sat in her Unspecified 321 course when she noticed Professor Chandler’s one working eyebrow and his other on welfare.

This fine detail was not on the syllabus, but on fire.

The sprinkler system shot out along a nearby landscape, which was the very location the classmates daydreamed to.

There, Mr. Chandler began believing—believing over fountains, statues, and hand rails without a helmet, occasionally stopping to hint at final exam material.

In the back, Michael Long raised his hand, but too far. His hand detached and floated out into the horizon like a lost balloon with a sad, pathetic face.

Mr. Chandler was impressed, but he knew not at what, for being occasionally impressed was protocol for all professors.

On top of all this, Mr. Chandler was also responsible for nothing else, which frustrated him so much that he flung nothing else at his desk, cracking nothing else.

Then the authorities blew up the wall and stormed in to arrest Michael on the grounds of not controlling his hand.

The grounds shook back in a temper tantrum which scared the authorities away.

Peggy fed milk into the ground’s crevices resulting in a tremendous belch.

The grounds opened a secret passage.

A bouncer appeared and began checking for identifications.

Once inside, everyone was already in ritual cloaks.

Mr. Chandler lit a torch, lighting a descending stairway, but only as a mime. Needless to say, the students witnessed nothing, which started a riot.

The rioters jumped into their riot gear, but found no riots.

Peggy crawled under the desk to search for the words that wrote her pencil, but lost her way. She then crawled into a tunnel which appeared to be her own ear canal where she heard herself within herself.

Meanwhile, Mr. Chandler forgot how to move, so he let the class move around him, resulting in a concussion.

The ambulance arrived, but without personnel. Three thoroughbreds, however, stormed out with number 3 immediately taking the lead over 6 and 7.

Peggy clenched her teeth, having placed bids on 5, which was in fact herself falling rapidly behind.

Mr. Chandler’s dead weight had become unbearable, so Peggy lowered him into a pit of cobras.

By the time Peggy returned to class, Mr. Chandler was already there collecting pop quizzes.

To make an A, the quizzes had to be folded into airplanes and flown into a ring of fire.

Surviving passengers were seated in the waiting lounge for the next available departure.

Mr. Chandler announced the boarding of First Class.

A few students departed into luxury hearses. The remainder drowned one after another via the water fountain.

Game over.

Two quarters dropped into Mr. Chandler’s tip jar, reanimating the characters.

Peggy sat in her class, forgetting whether she was on the toilet or on probation.

Mr. Chandler appeared to be either a janitor or a cop. After a group debate, the class decided on janitor.

So Mr. Chandler cleaned his act and clocked out.

By the time he got home, the class had already eaten Mrs. Chandler’s roasted bones. The cleaning process was on the final exam.

The class fell asleep and assembled into each other like a pack of cigarettes.

The following morning, they went out to cause cancer, then to the church to repent.

Rev. Chandler preached over pews, the pulpit, and the alter until he fell into a deep depression. In a great show of teamwork, the class undressed and put together a fabric ladder to throw down.

But the watchtower lights foiled the conspiracy.

Mr. Chandler was transferred to a new classroom where the students wore mandatory tricks up their sleeves.

Peggy stepped out to the restroom inside her pants. There, bullies humiliated Michael over rumors that he was a fictional character.

By the time Peggy returned, Mr. Chandler had already died and was part of an open casket ceremony. 

A substitute teacher was called to the scene with substitute hair made of Linguini. She kept a scarf to wipe the dribbles of clam sauce from her cheek. Her assignment involved class dismissal.

Peggy and Michael exited, but doubted their actions, so they reentered to seek guidance. But they only found a janitor’s closet full of cobwebs that weaved spiders.

There, the two got intimate without touching nor arousing each other. The sub took notes.

The following morning, the three awoke to a sleeping rooster who regressed back to an egg which then fell and cracked the floor.

The sub distributed the final exam which consisted of 50 questions, all optional.

Peggy had forgotten whether to answer the door or the telephone. The majority shaded in bubble C for the telephone.

On the line was a bill collector who knew the whereabouts of the night slippers. One by one, the students discovered theirs, beneath their own feet.

The ground then walked the students out of UNS 3201 where they fell out of context.